This is the 7th week now not sleeping properly, and it’s starting to get me down, things started to become shit at home again, which makes me think more about other things in general, so i don’t talk as much.
I haven’t really since new years.
I don’t laugh much anymore, because i find it hard to think of most things people say is funny. My humor has changed, theres little i can do about that.
I find it hard to smile without a reason anymore, because of people, because of situations, because i have no reason to.
To try and find my smile and laughter, i joke about everything, but that’s how i cover everything up. It’s like I’ve forgotten how to.
I’m broke. I have no way of getting money. I try for jobs, i look most nights, but most places clash with school hours.
I may spend a lot of my money now going to see him, but thats because i miss him.
I spend most my time doing school work now, because it just builds up.
The other half of my time, i’m cleaning my house, or generally helping my parents with things.
Most the time i feel lonely, mostly without my friends being around, but somtimes, even with, i still feel empty.
I feel like i don’t fit in.
I feel like i’m never good enough.
I always have done. But recently more than ever.
The only time i’m content is when i’m asleep. Which is hardly.
This making me in a bad mood during the day because of the lack of it, and its only just caught up with me.
I know that when i’m tired i snap at people, i try not to. I never mean to. And i am sorry for this.
And even I’ve been told that I’ve held my moods better than i have done.
I miss people, i miss how they use to be, i miss things, i miss being able to smile and laugh at everything.
I’m different to how i use to be, I’ve grown up more.
So, yes, I’ve changed.
But you see, i’m not happy.
I haven’t been for a while now.
So i guess you can say, no, i’m not me anymore.
I’m sorry that I’ve affected you all.
I’m sorry for what I’ve become.